“Next.”“Good morning. We want to apply for a marriage licence.” “Names?” “Tim and Jim Jones.” “Jones? Are you related? I see a resemblance.” “Yes, we’re brothers.” “Brothers? You can’t get married.” “Why not? Aren’t you giving marriage licences to same gender couples?” “Yes, thousands. But we haven’t had any siblings. That’s incest!” “Incest? No, we are not gay.” “Not gay? Then why do you want to get married?” “For the financial benefits, of course. And we do love each other. Besides, we don’t have any other prospects.” “But we’re issuing marriage licences to gay and lesbian couples who’ve been denied equal protection under the law. If you are not gay, you can get married to a woman.” “Wait a minute. A gay man has the same right to marry a woman as I have. But just because I’m straight doesn’t mean I want to marry a woman. I want to marry Jim.” “And I want to marry Tim, Are you going to discriminate against us just because we are not gay?” “All right, all right. I’ll give you your licence. Next.” “Hi. We are here to get married.” “Names?”“John Smith, Jane James, Robert Green, and June Johnson.” “Who wants to marry whom?” “We all want to marry each other.” “But there are four of you!” “That’s right. You see, we’re all bisexual. I love Jane and Robert, Jane loves me and June, June loves Robert and Jane, and Robert loves June and me. All of us getting married together is the only way that we can express our sexual preferences in a marital relationship.” “But we’ve only been granting licences to gay and lesbian couples.” “So you’re discriminating against bisexuals!” “No, it’s just that, well, the traditional idea of marriage is that it’s just for couples.” “Since when are you standing on tradition?” “Well, I mean, you have to draw the line somewhere.” “Who says? There’s no logical reason to limit marriage to couples. The more the better. Besides, we demand our rights! The mayor says the constitution guarantees equal protection under the law. Give us a marriage licence!” “All right, all right. Next.” “Hello, I’d like a marriage licence.” “In what names?” “David Deets.” “And the other man?” “That’s all. I want to marry myself.” “Marry yourself? What do you mean?” “Well, my psychiatrist says I have a dual personality, so I want to marry the two together. Maybe I can file a joint income-tax return……..”
BBC News 20 October 2015An attempt by UN officials to get countries to decriminalise the possession and use of all drugs has been foiled, the BBC can reveal.A paper from the UN Office on Drugs and Crime (UNODC) has been withdrawn after pressure from at least one country.The document, which was leaked, recommends that UN members consider “decriminalising drug and possession for personal consumption”.It argued “arrest and incarceration are disproportionate measures”.The document was drawn up by Dr Monica Beg, chief of the HIV/AIDs section of the UNODC in Vienna. It was prepared for an international harm reduction conference currently being held in Kuala Lumpur.The UNODC oversees international drugs conventions and offers guidance on compliance.Sources within the UNODC have told the BBC the document was never sanctioned by the organisation as policy. One senior figure within the agency described Dr Beg as “a middle-ranking official” who was offering a professional viewpoint.http://www.bbc.com/news/uk-34571609
Juventus are closing in on the signing of Manchester United left-back Patrice Evra. Press Association Evra signed a one-year contract extension with United eight weeks ago, but the defender has since been given permission to leave Old Trafford. The 33-year-old’s move to Turin had been put in doubt following the resignation of manager Antonio Conte, but his replacement Massimiliano Allegri was keen to continue the club’s pursuit of the player. Evra, who has been at United for eight years, is on holiday at the moment, but Press Association Sport understands he could be announced as a Juve player on Monday. Evra will not be the last player to leave Old Trafford this summer. When asked whether there would be any player departures, executive vice-chairman told MUTV on Sunday: ”Yes, I think so. ”The manager makes that decision and a few players have already gone and there may well be a few others that go. ”It’s also worth commenting that we’re not in Europe this year (so) there’s less games, maybe the manager takes the view that he wants a tighter squad to bed in. ”If you do the analysis over last year, Liverpool performed extremely well with a smaller number of players but that’s a decision for the manager.” Woodward insists he will give his full backing to new manager Louis van Gaal in his quest to improve the squad following their seventh-placed finish last term. The Dutchman has spent upwards of £50million on Luke Shaw and Ander Herrera. He has also been linked with Arturo Vidal, Daley Blind, Kevin Strootman and Thomas Vermaelen. Woodward says there is plenty of cash available to Van Gaal if he decides he needs to strengthen further. ”There is no fixed budget. Financially we are extremely strong, we have funds available,” Woodward said in an interview filmed on the club’s pre-season tour of the United States. ”Louis is the boss and is assessing what’s going on but we have been in dialogue for some time about targets so there is a lot of work going on behind the scenes… we’re continuing to move forward on some of those targets… so watch this space. ”The time he (Van Gaal) spends here (in America)as well, he’ll be able to assess more what he’s got and continue to tweak the decisions if we need to. ”We want to do what it takes to win the title.” Woodward has become tired of seeing targets slip through his fingers. “I want to stop seeing the best players going to other clubs in Spain, I want us to stand out as the best club in the world,” he said. “We’ll do absolutely everything we can to achieve that.” Van Gaal put his 25-man squad through a double training session on Monday at the StubHub Center. United will kick off their pre-season campaign with a match against the Los Angeles Galaxy on Wednesday, before then travelling to Denver, Washington and Michigan to play Roma, Inter Milan and Real Madrid as part of the International Champions Cup.